Let It Pass: Part 1

Many of us have parental issues from childhood. We don’t know exactly why, but we feel inadequate here or fearful there. This is what happened: one day, your parents said something that you took in the wrong way. You understood it in a different way than how they intended: you understood with a child’s mind, not with an adult’s mind. And that immature understanding negatively impacted the way in which you thought about yourself and the world. A few days later, you forgot about the incident, but its effect is still within you—alive and breathing and hurting. Then, every time thereafter they approach you to say something, you immediately retort, “Don’t talk to me!” But why? Why do you react like this? They just wanted to say something.

All of these childhood conditionings are inside and alive and cause you to react in certain ways; you are just not aware of their influence, how they continue impacting the way in which you act today. Then through sadhana, one day a memory will surface during meditation: you remember an argument where your mom or dad commented, “You foolish child!” But you also realize that you really did do something stupid! You really did do something dumb, but as a little child, you didn’t understand that what you were doing was dangerous and that your parents wanted to protect you. Now, you remember, “I was playing with matches, and I loved playing with matches all the time. My parents told me to stop so many times.” “You foolish child, stop playing with matches!” But you had forgotten the “playing with matches” part and only remembered the “foolish child” part.

Through spiritual life, the complete understanding of past conditioning comes, and you realize, “Oh, God! I was a foolish child!” Then, you forgive your parents because you realize they were trying to protect you, but you did not understand this then. For the hundred times they called you a foolish child for playing with matches, what happens? Your anger dissolves in compassion; it dissolves in wisdom of the truth of the experience—not just what the mind remembers of the experience, but the truth of the experience. Then, the next time your parents come to greet you, you respond with an openness: the inner reaction to that misunderstood experience has dissolved; the pain, anger, and frustration have dissolved.

Now, that’s just one example of overcoming a misunderstood incident. Your life is filled with hundreds of thousands of these misunderstandings and reactions. This is why self-realization takes thousands of lives, not just one life: you have to continue walking forward, not two steps forward and one step back; just walk two steps forward and continue in this way. Do not react based on your past conditionings; leave the past. When a provoking situation arises, don’t react; then, over time, that conditioned response and reaction loses its power over you, and you continue walking two steps forward at a time.

Then, tomorrow comes. Someone cuts into your lane while you’re driving, and you feel some anger. But before that reaction of anger manifests, you think, “Wait a second—two steps forward,” and chant mantra instead of reacting. Then, during this life, you would only move forward—no more one step back all of the time.